If my counselor had a nickel for every time the word “Why” has come out of my mouth, he probably could’ve retired a long time ago.

For some reason I have a need to know why things are happening. I need a reason. I suppose this is an innate part of the human condition to some degree but I think my need to have the “Why?” question answered far surpasses what can be attributed to the human condition.

But… Jesus asked “Why?” on the cross.

“Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?”

“My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?”

He was fully God and fully man, so I guess asking “Why?” for Him was a part of His human condition. It can be so frustrating to not have an answer to the “Why?” question, but Jesus didn’t get an answer either.

My counselor often asks me what the benefit is to me in asking the “Why?” questions. What was the benefit in Jesus asking “Why?”? Was it purely for us to know that for that brief moment before He died, He was able to relate to the pain of humanity on a raw level?

Do you see what I’m doing? I’m asking “Why?” did Jesus ask “Why?”

It’s neverending… right?

Where is the point at which I am able to lay down my need to know why and just let myself trust in God’s bigger picture?

Was I trusting in God’s bigger picture when I was raped? When I was molested? When I saw the girl murdered in front of me? When I saw my friends raped? Was all of that horrificness part of God’s bigger picture?

God can’t give me answers to these questions. Not ones that fit into my human condition. ┬áNot ones that are within the realm of my limited understanding.

I am so grateful to have a community of people who allow me to ask these questions. I am so grateful to have a God who allows me to wrestle with Him.

So, I just keep taking step after step forward (at least most of them have been forward lately) in the part of the picture that God shows me for now and at times taking a step, sometimes a leap, into the unknown parts too.


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